just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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