OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
