don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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