i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
