I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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