as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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