Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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