i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize