I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
