so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
