i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
