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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.

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• (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  this st patricks day sucks

  (815): View more from Illinois

  ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  It was great. He never spoke.

  (613): View more from Ontario

  That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We will just distract him with tacos and porn.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch

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