he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
