he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
