I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize