And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
