Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
