WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
