very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
