farters have to be the big spoon...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
