what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
