What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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