i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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