How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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