As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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