So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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