alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
