You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
