those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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