shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
