I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
