His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
