I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
