every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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