Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
