I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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