It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
