My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize