What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
