i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
