We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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