Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
