dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
