Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
