i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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