my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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