Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
