Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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