I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
