Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
