So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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