Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
