No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
