My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize