That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My ass is underappreciated
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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