I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
