4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
