I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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