hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
