just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
