So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
