Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
