More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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