I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
