Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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