it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
