; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
