Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
