Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
