yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
