I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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