im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
