Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
