True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
