everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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