He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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