We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
