Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize