At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
