the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
