she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
