So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
