I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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