Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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