i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
