Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
