i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
