I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
