when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
