just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
