So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
