Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
