I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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