Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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