Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
