which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
