I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
