so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
