chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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