I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
