My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
