I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
